Reflections on Raising Children Abroad

Mom guilt. It’s real. Constantly questioning if you are doing the right thing. I have found myself recently questioning the experiences my children might miss out on being raised abroad. I often scroll through my friends’ social media feeds of their children’s soccer and baseball games, and  gymnastics and swim meets. Seasonally I see trips to the pumpkin patch and hayrides, pictures with Santa and the Easter Bunny, and birthday parties full of friends they have grown up with. These are all things I grew up with. Memories built over years of team sports, holiday traditions, and parties with lifelong friends; these moments made me the person I am today. Scrolling through social media while living abroad I find myself wondering, “Will my children learn those important lessons of teamwork and overcoming losses with grace without the team sports? Will they have strong memories of holiday traditions that they will want to pass down to their kids? The sort of memories where the smell of baked goods and pine needles remind them of warm happy holidays surrounded by family. Will they build long lasting friendships growing up without lifelong childhood friends?” Some of my closest friends at age 40 are the people I met in 1st grade. Am I robbing my kids of basic life lessons and experiences? Am I robbing them of traditions that give children a sense of time and place and treasured memories?

There is only one way to overcome this questioning, this  sense of guilt. I have to sit quietly and specifically call to mind all the things my children are gaining. 

1. The development of a second and possibly more languages. May these serve to help them connect to more and a wider variety of people in the future.
2. A tangible connection to different traditions and cultures that help them to appreciate more than just what is comfortable and familiar. May this serve to help them be comfortable even in unfamiliar situations and to allow those unfamiliar experiences to help them grow and learn about themselves and others.
3. Friends all over the globe. My son might not have contact at age 40 with anyone in his 1st grade class. Yet we have made friends in our last three locations that I know would welcome my children with open arms years from now. People who live all over the world. May this serve to provide my children the opportunity to travel worldwide to reconnect with people from their past and know they will be warmly welcomed in any corner of the globe.
4. A larger view of what is possible for their future. I feel like a lot of people get stuck these days. Things might not be going well and yet they are paralyzed to change their circumstances and what is familiar. I hope my children realize they have the possibility to move anywhere opportunity calls. They do not need to go into debt for college when they can attend institutions in Canada, Mexico, Europe and elsewhere. If they can’t find a job in their area of interest at home, they will be open to the idea of seeking and finding that job abroad. If laws and requirements make it difficult to start a business in one place, they will understand that it might work in another country. They will have a wider view than most about what is possible and realize that there is opportunity everywhere. May this serve to open their minds and look further and wider as they pursue future interests and dreams.

At ages 4 and 7 they already have the experience and confidence to know that they are capable of uprooting themselves, leaving what is comfortable, and adjusting to a new location and way of life. I am convinced, and will continue to reassure myself, that this lifestyle will serve them well and somewhere along the way they will learn teamwork, build memories, and make lasting friendships even if their journey looks different than mine.

In Love & Tacos